You know, sitting on that roof that night, really made me think. Everything they've done for me, and how much they actually mean to me. And its moments like this that i'm really glad everything happened the way it did. And the note someone wrote to me, i figured its probably time i stopped running away from it, and just get over it.

Like what shaun said 2 years ago, the fastest way to get rid of a difficult knot is to cut it. Better still, you get two strings instead of one.

*insert really gigantic smiley here*

and now for the real deal, holy #@$%^^$&*, A level results out in 5 days!

Okay, this is it. I'm taking this plunge on thursday, after 2 months of waiting. Someone wish me luck.

But yea, Vic's right. The toughest thing ever is let someone go, when you love that person but you know you two can never be together.

Still, I never thought I'll meet someone else that can make me feel like that.

Why the hell am I saying all this?

T'was the nicest day at work so far. That's probably the best birthday present actually, given the amount of terrible calls i had to handle over the past one week. And crapping with my colleagues over a tub of cornflakes sure helped.

Normally, I'd be upset over spending my birthday like this. Normally, I'd be jealous, why others have nice birthday celebrations, while I'm stuck working. But not normally, this job made me appreciate so many things more now. Like how Cleon kept msging me to keep me amused, celeste's non-stop, all day sure reply chatting service, shaun's random invite for a day out, sandy and sweej's double call + apology, nadia's smiley overload msgs, and all the "i'll-date-you-on-your-off-day-k?" msgs are more than enough.

So next week's jammed packed, probably not gonna get much sleep. Darn. I'm starting to get used to this life actually. The job's actually getting fine. I mean, even my sups say that its alright to get cursed at, just ignore them. Did I mention I've got awesome supervisors? Okay, now i will. Did i mention my colleagues are fully awesome? Okay, they are! Was gonna say especially some people, but i realized its almost all. Lol. I actually like my job for the colleagues.

But more importantly this job, i swear, taught me more than school ever had in 12 years. that people aren't very nice, and will stop at nothing to achieve their means. and it taught me that clashing head on, like how I always did, doesnt work in the real world. and it just taught me one thing, hang on to what you have, cos it might all be gone in the next second.

---------------

Well, part 2 of blogging. This is actually quite fun. Saw photos here and there, just replied to everyone who wished me happy birthday on facebook, gonna start on the twitter list. kinda feel bad that sandy feels bad. and texting vic was well, maybe i shouldnt have.

green book is feeling a little neglected, i guess i do need to pen some thoughts in. mom gave angpow, which i secretly like best. and shit, i'm still missing you. yes, keep guessing who this is.

shirley just texted me, that bimbo forgot the time difference again i guess. now that i think bout it, it's been 8 years. omg, wtf, 8 years?! okay, time to plan a flight to auckland to visit. somehow, if only, maybe, oh well, never mind. thanks anw, you're probably the only one reading this blog anw.

oh yes, wanted to say something, forgot what it is, tried to remember, failed, and not gonna bother.

and so to end off, and summarize:

happy birthday to me
happy birthday to me
happy birthday to Lenna~

*beep
Hi, Welcome to M1, my name is Lennart, how may I help you?
(fuck)

I officially hate Singaporeans now.

But t'was nice with my colleagues, especially during the state of emergency. Job sucks, keep making mistakes, but thank god the company (in both sense of the word) keeps me going.

Singaporeans really need to learn that it isn't cool or awe-inspiring to threaten to destroy someone's income. I mean, we're all temps, so we don't really care, but imagine if I was the sole breadwinner of a family? Just to spite others, to prove your so called customer rights, just so you can tell your friends the next day how you very fiercely scolded someone, and you end up causing a family financial problems, and maybe even more. Or what if those very words you said caused someone to think of themselves as inferior, and you, there and then, just cut off all the confidence a person ever had. So Singaporeans, are you all still proud of standing up for your customer rights in this manner?

Once again, thank goodness I'm temp. And no, I'm not bitching about my job, just a thought that floated into my mind during lunch break yesterday. Cant people realize the nicer they are, the more we as CSOs will want to help you. Clarify/Request doesn't equate to scream+ swear+ curse someone's family to die. Tsk. Singaporeans. So full of themselves.

Colleagues rock, no wait, ROCK. It's almost like being back in school. And nice supervisors make it so much more tolerable. And not to mention pay. cant wait for first paycheck to come in. =)

Had a nice day off hanging out with basil. percy jackson is kinda cheesy but its still cool. b&js still awesome, mad jacks was disappointing. Its only when you're out there facing flak from the real world that you appreciate off-days. Who am I kidding. I rather this than 2 years in JC. At least I'm paid.

So I consider CNY over, seeing how nasty customers are getting, working morning shift, secretly pissed that I'm working on my birthday. Oh well. =(

there's always a place in me that you can call home.

Whoopee. CNY. Dong dong chiang, sounds like someone died.

Okay, morbid aside, day 1 was surprisingly better than previous years. the same old rubbish, same old routine, more houses added, better net profit on day one. Oh oh, and someone gave me a $26 red packet instead of $4 (tallied with my brother).

Spent the morning of eve with andrew, who is conveniently bald now. feels weird to be the one with the most hair now, annoyingly. going to spend tmr at some dimsum lunch + major mahjong session at my godmother's house. And one more day to mom's birthday, cant wait to show her her present.

Best. Feels good to finally feel free. Okay, enjoying my job, could do it for the rest of my life, or maybe just for NS. And colleagues are just awesome. Perks of doing temp jobs, no bonus, no promotions, so no politics.

And bester still. yes, i created that word. anyway, changed phone, my old messages are gone, feels like i'm throwing away old memories, but i figured there's hardly anything left to remind me about the "good old times". not after that night. and no, I'm not missing you.

and thinking back bout loads of stuff, just realized that i need to go down for TSD juniors' showing! (crap, gotta change shift) more importantly, it just reminded me no matter how much i hated the 2 years, i really shouldnt erase the happier memories there.

so hang on, life's getting better, no, you're not deluding yourself, and here's a big fat squishy hug to everyone.

birthday coming soon! (damn, vic's too! (oh wait, same birthday). )

cool, just had a thought within a thought.

Yay. An un-emo post after 1646131984 years. =)

Went for Suntec mass dance with my adopted OG, which was insane for me. <3 my freshies, and to my awesome OGLs: Sophie (you rock, like BIG TIME), Dylan (Happy birthday! don't get too drunk), Juanita (juani-juani-juani-TA!), Enzon & ben aka bansaurus or however you spell it. =) Feels great to have an OG, feels even better to get to know those ogls. Sophie, i owe you big time.

Spent my thursday afternoon with celeste and xy at mos talking abt stuff. haha. hilarious. makes me wish i could go back to j2 all over again.

and spent the post mass dance time with my junior adhoc, although a couple of them werent there. haha. goodness. the things they found out, and the thing i found out. which reminds me, i need to upload photos and tag spoons. and TSK CHUN YONG. bluff me. hahahahahahaha. just thinking bout all the rubbish we talked about is just driving me nuts now.

and sickeningly, work starts next week. oh well, $$ flow in!

So looking forward to monday for xw's bdae thing. Heh, gonna stun her for life. =)

did i mention that i think i prefered 2010 orientation over 2009? okay, just did. and here's shoutout to
celeste & xy: thanks for s43 moments, although we really senior citizens lar...
AR2D2: OOOOGGGG OUTING!!!!!!!
and <3 to sophie, kim, chunyong, shaun, siyun, yuwei, chenglu, enan, and the rest of the tsd juniors, TSD train was freaking fun.

yupp, girls do go wonky after 11pm. must be the moon. =)

Its like this sense of coldness all around.
But he just stuck to his decision and moved on.
Although it feels like something's missing,
he knows what he finds at the end is more than enough to fill him up again.

Just like a broken mug,
no matter how he tries to piece all back together,
the cracks still cut him.
So, might as well toss it away already.
Ain't worth the pain.

He knows he got himself onto this road,
but he knows all he has to do is to reach the end.
He knows he's never gonna change what's been and gone,
but he's not gonna let the stars fade away.

So what if the world throws him off the edge,
or if his feet run out of ground.
go ahead and say goodbye,
cos I'll be alright.

----

Emo to the max. Just something from my green book I wrote two days ago.

And just this tinge of regret. Everyone's gone/going. And those sickening thingies are back again, nothing I do gets them outta my head. Thanks for the memories though. T'was fun while it lasted, but I guess its finally over. At the very least, this mental battle is officially history, glad to be rid of it. So, done, deal, over. Bye.

So its a whole new beginning. I like how heartless I've become. Cos nothing ever hurt like you did.

Just logged in to say that I freaking love my TSD and SC juniors. Its people like them that actually make VJ worth going back to. Cant believe at the end of the day, its them who helped me fulfill one of my aims in VJ.

And got to know my junior class just a lil' bit better!

And just to say, my juniors all make me a very happy senior (citizen). almost makes adult fare worth it. right. who am i kidding. adult fare sucks big time.

one, two, three
open your eyes and see.

Hate having to act stupid, like i don't know what's happening.