Glee soundtrack is just bliss. Now waiting for the goddamn torrents to finish up the downloads, so I can enjoy Glee and Legend of Seeker before I end up in army.

Went back to crash orientation, volunteered for rumble, going to continue crashing orientation (attaching myself to jasmine's or sophie's OG), considering crashing 10S38 for seasports. I really should just declare myself a J1. Celebrated adeeb's birthday, not going for cleon's today, thank god I passed him my present.

If this was a O Level English essay, I'd failed for all the run-on sentences above. Haha.

And somehow, you just know some things are best left broken. =)

Right. Haiti is in a state of crisis and I just went through a day of tossing perfectly edible food cos some rich idiots decides that sides ain't worth the calories. Makes me wonder what is happening to this world. And yes, I have half a mind to FedEx it over to Haiti, where people would actually appreciate food.

Flea market was epic fail, saw bern at airport, went bag hunting and found factory outlets + nice clothes shop instead. And lets just not mention further about the confuse ray moment in the morning.

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Just added that to what I wanted to blog about. *points above. proper blog post is *points below

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Sickening ain't it? When your mind tells your heart to let it go, your heart tells your mind to fuck off and die. Then your mind goes into complete meltdown mode, and you begin to do irrational things.

And that's what it means to be true to yourself. Listen to your heart until it fucks you over so badly that you finally give up and live rationally, when you finally discover you actually might succeed at acting as though you're perfectly happy.

Nope, not emo, just something I was thinking about. How every time someone decides to follow his heart, and ends up getting fucked (not in the sexual sense). Okay, listening to too much of "Happy". You know, "don't care about all the pain in front of me, I'm just wanna be happy". Which is why I conclude actors are the happiest people in the world. Cos they can release all their inner angst (the one which everyone acts like they don't have), and get paid plus applause. Ever wondered why catharsis works? Cos you fucking feel it too.

And on the other end of the spectrum, you have the people who are in perfect control. What they plan, they get. Life's like a vending machine to them. Just press. When it gets stuck, press again. While the whole world is busy commenting that they have no life, sad lives, calling them losers, materialistic, there they are enjoying themselves while sore and bitter us secretly wish we could be like them.

So, hypocrites aren't that bad after all right? People, throw your moral handbooks outta the window, you've spent too much time being moral that you forgot to be happy. Me? I figured it out in my head. Hopes and dreams are always at their best when you let them float around in your head, and they suck big time when you actually make it happen.

Oh yes, and before I end what moral/critical/delusional people would call an angsty post, just wanted to say

I'm missing you and that's all I know.

Okay said. Night world, happy trying to walk down the road of life with your nose buried in your damn book of morals, watch out for that.. never mind. you probably fell in already.

Loser me.

Blogging on my brother's laptop now, after dying 20487023 times on that insanely difficult RPG game. (which says something since i usually wreck havoc in such games).

Damn, just havent been able to bring myself to study for SATs besides reading/browsing through the goddamn book. I'm so going to fuck myself over for this man. Oh wells. Dinner with xw, ws, zj tmr, i shall bring my book and study on the train and go earlier to stone, i mean study at starbucks first. Okay, i'm gonna look at princeton's website and college photos to motivate myself (though i doubt it works).

And this is mental. I've given up finding a job, I'm just gonna take a massive break till I enlist, I figured I need one anyway. Who's up for a backpacking trip for a month? Aussie sounds nice =)

oh, and i really have to get my arse down to VJ, cos i do owe ms lim and mr ho a nice thank you card for all they've done for me. and to visit some very special people.

hey! emo-less post! heh. that's new. and i shall ruin it by saying, i miss s43 =(. i wanna terrorize teachers with my class once again.

and recently went back to cat high with josh. cant help but feel a lil' sad when saras said hardly anyone comes back for a visit. (except for us, we keep annoying them). you cant help but feel that bit of nolstagia when you barge into the staff room, have all the teachers look up at you, and the old teachers recognise you and go tsk, and the new teachers stare at you for such audacity but you don't give a shit. And to have your teachers tell you they miss you barging in like that. and hearing someone say that not many genuinely miss cat high, but rather, miss how easy it was to be a cat high boy. and seeing how the school turns into a ghost town after 2, i'm glad i was in the batch that refused to go home. sigh. sad huh? so many people said they miss that place but josh and i are the first to return there this year. but i figured partly because too many of our teachers left alr.

okay la, enough of the depressing stuff, just to tell those who are feeling down, don't worry bout falling cos the losers are all there to cushion your fall. evil me, i know. =)

Hello hello! Back again, cos I'm just bored stiff after family mahjong session.

Just read collin's blog (I know right? Stalking people at such an unearthly hour). Hah. Just makes me think through how my VJ life has been. Which I'm quite sad to say, one heck of painful experience. 'nuff said. Thank god for S43 and TSD to keep me sane in that jailhouse. And since they pretty much made up my whole curriculum time in VJ, I'm secretly missing those days already. Especially GP lessons where Celeste and I will attempt to murder Mr. Hoe. So when I say VJ was the worst 2 years of my life, I kinda mean that my life was just awesomer before I stepped into that jailhouse.

And I'm starting to think (wow), I'm just stabbing myself repeatedly over and over again. Right where it hurts the most. Its just delusional, delusional, delusional. But no, can't breakdown, won't breakdown, there're things I need to do, for myself, for those that matter. Besides, no one likes a broken wreck. And I'm not gonna care if it hurts anymore.

And this is not just for me, but for everyone out there nursing a broken heart. Hang in there babe =)

Cos if its heaven, its worth fighting for.

Whoopee. Nope, I'm not excited for anything.

Just a random post. Like, to get some irritatingly stubborn thoughts outta my head, now that I know NO ONE reads this. (Honestly, how come everyone thinks I've stopped blogging?)

Okay, confession, my sensitive side just went into crazy mode, so I'm taking all the small things and blowing it all up way outta proportion, in my head though, thank goodness. Then comes this little dude in my head that tells me there's a slight chance that I'm right.

Thank goodness my little green book keeps me sane. But somehow, it irks me how retarded some people can be. Sigh. What to do? Everyone has retarded moments, just that some have it more than others. So animal farm. Heh.

But you know what? I think its time to stop trying to make things right, cos it still doesn't feel right, and I don't want to fall into that state once again. At the very least, I no longer consider myself that much of an asshole, and to be very realistic, I started out without it anyway, so yea. But don't worry, it ain't about what everyone thinks it is. Its something else, something so personal only two people know anything about it. (Bet 5 bucks no one believes me, oh wait, no one reads this blog)

Weirdest part, I feel this extreme need to be alone when I'm with people, yet I feel this extreme need to be with people when I'm alone. Yea, weird right? Although right now I'm savouring the pleasures of being highly anti-social, and trying to take a leaf outta shaun's book by taking everything day by day. Lucky buggers who enlist in Feb.

Secretly not taking my jobhunt seriously, secretly want to slack off till I enlist, secretly just realized this isn't very secretly. And secretly waiting for sandy, esti sweej to arrange our monopoly date. And secretly waiting for the day when kenrick xw and collin are free to k, and I secretly just remembered I'm supposed to plan one more k session with s43, and secretly waiting for the sleepover, and secretly thinking this secretly thing is just too excessive.

Okay, retarded post. But gotta chill for the next week, mug me arse off for SATs, which I conveniently haven't started. Which means I'm gonna get my arse to get a SAT book, sit down for 2 hours each day and study, which I suspect will not happen, and I can just laugh at myself for wasting money again.

Argh, stupid emo mood, get outta my head.

Sigh. Cos you know something? No matter how much you said you've let it go, no matter how much you try to convince yourself, somehow, a small part of it tugs at your heartstrings, and you secretly know its just something you can never let go.

First post of 2010!

Whew. Been a crazy new year. Spent the 1st helping dad out at the bowling alley, nothing special to comment.

But 2,3,4 Jan kick-started 2010 with a bang, literally. S43 chalet! Somehow, at the end of the day, it's them that have that special place in my heart as my class. Went late (as usual), met them in NTUC where we spent like a heck load of time, embarrassed myself like 20times over, and splurged on food to an extent that celeste and i are still trying to recover from the loss. Went to the chalet and we literally stoned there for like an hour, then we went to do something, although i cannot remember what. Oops. Then bbq, one word: Awesome. Although that pms-ing auntie was really asking for a bitch fit on my part. And major epic fail at trying to use sparklers to do 08S43. All that ended up was this crazy amount of smoke that engulfed every single one of us and sparked off a major coughing fit. Gosh, i think ppl thought we set the place on fire.

Then bathe and blah blah blah, didnt go KBOX in the end, sent the rest of the classmates home, and then, heh. XY brought this damn horrible show called District 9, which put everyone but me and him to sleep. Then when we finally gave up, turned off the tv, everyone woke up. -_-". So we ended up having S43 bonding activity. Heh. Stupid basketball joke.

Day 2 was awesomest of all. WILD WILD WET! Slide after slide after slide, concussion after concussion, and 5+ rounds at the shiok pool. Beat that. Fish & Co express dinner was awesome, that pretty good looking person at the counter was damn patient. Like, i'd have scolded myself if i had to serve me as a customer. And then, sparklers at some random bbq pit (not ours). Burnt out 08S43. Like major vandalism, but who cares. Then XY said the sparkling juice bottle won't crack, so we threw in 6+ sparklers in and lit them all. yanzhou nearly got celeste murdered, and we now have an epic video of hongaik going "zao zao!" when the bloody bottle exploded. Tsk. So much for "won't crack".

Day 3 was this major blur, somehow found ourselves at teo heng, sang my backside off, then went home.

And after all this. I got one thing to say. I really really really miss my S43 life. Cant believe i used to complain so much about it. I miss seeing mrs koh every morning giving us the its-too-damn-early face, miss seeing celeste take attendance, miss pms-ing larry choy cos he hates us for being a clump instead of a line, miss siwei annoying almost all our teachers, miss having jayne make ren an shut up, miss having breaks, miss falling asleep in lectures, miss ponting lectures, miss math and chem tutorials, miss tripping mr hoe during GP, miss ding-dong-ing with the class, miss mugging with them. Argh. For once in my life, I actually wanna go back to JC. Feels like I'm missing a huge part of me. And the best part is, I never knew how much I'd miss those days with S43. Emo nemo time. =(

Its days like this I just wanna go do a math paper just to relive the experience. Guess what, I think I'm gonna miss S43 more than I'd ever miss council.

So, who's up for crashing school, pretending we actually have lessons?